yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I came so hard my ears popped.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
