I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
