Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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