Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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