i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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