I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
