she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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