I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it because I queefed?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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