I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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