dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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