I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
