i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im holly from the hills drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
