I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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