I looked at my own cervix.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
