boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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