those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
