I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
