gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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