I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
