Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
