First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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