grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
