Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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