Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
