i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
