Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
