My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
