i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
