How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
