In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The uberlube is also flammable
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
