so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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