I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
