I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm passing your future prison.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
