Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
