If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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