i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
