The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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