I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
