we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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