I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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