You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
