Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
