I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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