i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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