Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm passing your future prison.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
