dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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