The maid of honor just puked.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
