it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
