We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
