when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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