she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
