my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
