Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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