he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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