Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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