Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
