Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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