I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
