Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
