smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
