i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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