Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
