I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
