Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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