but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
