I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
