i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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