Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
