mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
another moral hangover. fuck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
