You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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