everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im part way to drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
