I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
