We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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