Duck Duck Cougar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
