overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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