I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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