Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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