Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
