if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
