I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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