I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
